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Small things REALLY do matter

E is still sick but hopefully recovering.  Thankfully it seems like whatever it is hasn’t passed on to the rest of us … knock on wood.  It’s been a difficult few days.  Fortunately lil guy is at the in-laws giving me one less thing to worry about.

I’m at home today, like usual, but E is here with me.  We went out for a little to take care of some random errands.  An hour or so later I received a message from a friend.  She said her sister left a cooler of dinners outside my door.  The cooler contained a couple fresh, ready to cook, meals and a few frozen “fresh” dinners. 

Nearly 6 months later, with the pain so real yet just not quite as fresh, for someone, anyone, to go out of their way like this … means so much to me.

It’s hard to come up with the words to describe what she did.

I rarely ask for help.  I’m set on getting through as much of this as I can.  These last few days, with a sick lil one, have been very difficult.  It’s one thing to have a sick child but another to be doing it on your own and living with this grief. 

Nearly 6 months later.  All those people who said … anything you need.  All those people who appeared to care (of course some really do) … have gone back to their ‘regular’ lives.  From all those people … there’s this one and the others who have went way above what is expected.  For you, for all the others … thank you!

A belly ache, a fever

A belly ache.  A fever.  A friend visited last night.  I hope we didn’t either get this from them … or worse give it to them.   We talked about the flu, getting those shots that are talked about all over the media and a recent illness her son had.  How he had thrown up a few times but thankfully he hadn’t eaten that much at the time.  I told her that we’ve yet to experience that here.  Then sure enough, as if I was asking for it to happen to us, E did the same thing as we prepared for bed.

She complained of a belly ache which I, at the time, associated it to going potty.  A few minutes later we discovered that was indeed not the problem.  🙁

Of course then I begin to worry.  One of my bigger fears began to unfold.  For some reason, perhaps the same, C won’t fall asleep and E is obviously not feeling well.  I’m alone.  It’s 8.30ish.  Nobody lives near.  The few people I called either can’t come over or won’t answer the phone.  Shit!

I really do try to keep the kids away from appearant signs of illness.  So where did this come from?  Soccer?  Family?  Friends?  Me?  And now what do I do about it?

It’s one thing to have a team of people at times like this and another to be alone.  I really need that team.  The one friend I spoke with would have come over, she even offered, had she not already gone out for the night.  My P’s won’t answer the phone or my texts.  It sucks to have to pick up the phone to call for help.  I need it right here, available at a seconds notice.  I don’t mind taking care of one, but dealing with 2 at the same time …

So it’s morning and we’re still fighting the fever.  C left with grandma for a little while.  This isn’t easy

Making Memories of Us

Keith Urban – Be Here – 2004

Our wedding song

More on this topic at another date …

I just happened to be downloading some new songs to her Zune tonight.  I should be in bed but I probably had a little too much mocha frap to help get me through the bedtime rituals.  I was actually close to, and totally could have, passing out 2 hours ago.  But I needed to do a few things and dragged myself off the bed.

Unprepared

As I stood in line waiting to pick up my chinese food last night, I probably wanted to find a related article when I opened up the local suburban life paper sitting on the table.  Maybe something more powerful than me brought me to this location on this particular day.

It’s been nearly 6 MONTHS.  I’m up and down all the time; started the week okay but it didn’t last.  Therapy yesterday did it’s usual damage of opening up wounds I’ve attempted to conceal.

So there I am, the last one left at Moy Goy.  It’s decent chinese, not the best in chicagoland, but the best I have found in the immediate area.  The suburban life paper sitting on the table in the corner.  This isn’t the first time I’ve scanned the paper in this very restaurant having run across a related article.  But 6 months out I wouldn’t suspect finding a story that mentions her name and mentions my kids as well.

http://www.mysuburbanlife.com/lagrange/news/x933815261/Village-revamps-intersection-code

I just wanted to scream.  Instead a few tears rolled down my cheek.  I did my best to hold it back.  The therapy session earlier in the day had already got me going.  Why was there an article on this particular day?  Why did I decide to open up the paper?  I didn’t really need another reminder.

I also think I dreamed of it last night.  I’m actually pretty sure I did.  I just can’t remember the specifics this morning.  So today is probably going to be a long one.

Remembering…Gary & Susie’s Wedding

For the past couple of days I have been feeling a little less down.  I know why.  Because I’m avoiding the topic.

Actually, I was in the office Tues and was faced with the it 3 times.  Twice when I entered the building and once on the way out.  The people are really nice and I’m sure genuinely concerned.  I know they just want to hear that I’m doing better.  But one of the reasons I don’t go into the office is so that I don’t have to face the issue.  The hour+ commute is bad enough.  It’s one thing to think about things for that boring drive but another to have to respond to questions.  I’m not bitching though, it just is what it is.

So here we go, the reason for writing today…

I would have to say, this was one of the better post-baby nights out that we had.  E was about 7 months and C wasn’t on his way yet.  We had a hotel room and the Cari’s mom had E.  We could actually let go and have fun for maybe one of the first times in a while.  Plus it was my b-day so we had a little extra to celebrate.  And besides our two friends who were about to get married, we were going to be around a number of people we missed hanging out with, two of them being relatively new parents w/out baby responsibilities for the night as well.  So things might get a little crazy … and they did.

Most of the people there were those who we spent many many nights out with over the previous 5+ years.  It’s kind of amazing that we only became friends with these people post-college.  I can’t imagine life without them.  And don’t want to.  They, as much as Cari & the kids, mean so much to all of us.  I’ll write more about all the other experiences at some other time.

It’s labor day weekend 2007 (had to think about that for a sec, but def 2007).  Susie hasn’t always been around but she’s amazing for Gary.  One of the first times we met this girl and the first time she got to meet us was at our wedding in the Riviera Maya.  I think that they had only been dating for a month or two at a time so that little vacation for our wedding might either make it or break it.  It appears she was sold, despite a bit of drama surrounding her and a slightly crazy unwanted roommate.

So we proceeded to get a little silly this particular night.  It was like 18 months of built up partying for the girls who recently had little ones.  And since partying together was nothing new to them, it didn’t take them long to get back into their usual form.  It def didn’t help (or hurt) that the wine (a fantastic selection) was damn tasty and free flowing.

At some point during the night I lost one of my cufflinks and made a big, but rather entertaining, spectacle out of getting it back.  I’m sure Cari would tell you I had my drunk smile on by this point (or maybe 2 hours earlier) in the night.  For some reason I was intent on getting the cufflink back even if it meant snagging one from the groom.

Nevertheless, the girls just simply had a blast together.  One of our recently married friends, dating at the time, had one of their usual fights.  A drunk fight that didn’t mean anything in the end of course but it added to the entertainment. 

It’s actually a little hard to describe the night.  But maybe it’s just best if I say it was a needed night out.  A night with some really good friends.  A night we celebrated one of their marriages.  A really good night for Cari and me.  We had fun.  We loved each other so much.  We fully enjoyed raising our lil E but we needed some real adult time, especially Cari.  We got it and we made the most of it.

The ride home the next day wasn’t a pretty picture.  Cari had to go into work which was an hour away and we had a half hour to get there.  I think we went to bed, or passed out, only a couple hours earlier.  But we made it through and talked of the night many times over.

I’ll have to find some pictures.