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September, 2016:


It just sneaks up on you when you’re not expecting it

Lately I’ve had to tell my story to a few people, my “whole” story

And that always opens up some wounds

They heal up pretty easily, however

My grief is my own grief

I’m convinced it’s different for everyone

I don’t mind talking about her, ever

I mind, however, people thinking they can’t talk about her to me

You can

I also mind people thinking their way of grieving is the same as mine

It’s not

It doesn’t necessarily upset me, I just don’t want to hear your opinion of your grief

I grieve my way, and that’s what works for me

Today, however grief struck me from one of my kids

I’m not exactly certain how the topic came up

It was early morning, while we were getting ready for our first soccer game of the day

I mentioned meeting someone (theoretically) and getting married one day

He said in these exact words, “I don’t want a new mom that I have to kiss”

And his eyes began to water, his face was sad, it was real emotion


So we talked a bit about it

He also said, “I want our family to stay how it is”

And that he of course wished that Cari was here

This didn’t open any of my wounds

But it showed to me that their grief is real, it’s raw, and it’s definitely alive and present in them

Life 🙁 Sigh….

I love them so much

Otherwise …

He learned to tie his shoes, and how to tie a square knot

She decided to play the cello in the orchestra

And picture day was this week.  So CUTE!

Pics Of Us

We don’t often get pictures of the 3 of us.  Usually because I’m the one holding the camera.

I regret that.

For every 100 I take of them, there’s 1 of us.

Every now and again we’ll get a selfie, but we don’t often enough have someone else take it for us.

But this one’s a keeper 😉

Yet for some reason at this event, the past few years, we do pretty well at having our picture taken … 2015

… 2013

… 2011

Recent insomnia

One week in and already sick with something.

I caught some puke on the hand and arm.  GROSS.  Happy birthday to me


He felt way better after getting that out of his system but 4 hours later and just puked again

Poor guy

Poor me

Oh, it’s 1:11 am

1:11 or 11:11 or 1111 or any variation

I see this combination of numbers more than an other

I don’t see 2:22 or 222 or 3:33 or 333, just bunches of 1’s


I’ve read about this number sequence and there are def some crazy theories out there


I can deal with sick kids

I don’t enjoy it but I can deal with it

I knew it was something today

He fell asleep in the car, unexpectedly

He barely got off the couch

He just wasn’t himself

Hopefully this is quick and he’s ‘mostly’ better in the morning


As of late I really haven’t been able to sleep

Whatever caused my pancreas to stop working properly and my inability to tackle this issue early on really f@#$ my shit up

My nerves are shot … all over my body

So far only jumping in the show helps to calm things for a bit

Jumping in the pool or anything that might irritate my skin … it’s not a fun feeling

I want to be invincible, or at least free from this garbage

I want to be healthy and able to deal with life’s shit

I’m sort of okay with this disease.  I wish I didn’t have to deal with it but there are certainly worse things

And we are ALL going to have to deal with something

This is just mine … unfortunately … and this is what I have to live with

In time … it should and will get better

Something new might arise but we’ll face that when we get there

Just doing what I can …

Now, maybe I can get some sleep

Someone recommended hot tea … let’s go try that 😉