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July, 2010:

lil man

He’s cutting 3 teeth at the same time.  Poor guy.  His two top eye teeth plus a molar.  Is that the reason for the cold, running nose, cough … whatever else?  Probably.  On top of that he got a shot at his 18 month appointment monday.  He’s had a rough week

He’s been going down to bed relatively easy for a bunch of weeks now (knock on wood).  But last night he woke up crying about a half hour later.  So I went in to rock him. 

He just needed to be held.  A minute later and he was passed out on my chest in the rocking chair. 

Moments like that aren’t easy.  Looking down at him.  Thinking so many things. 

And then this morning.  I really didn’t want to leave the house w/out seeing him.  So maybe a little on purpose I opened his door and he happened to wake.  Okay, not the brightest idea because he wasn’t super happy about being woken up. 

Grandma got there a minute later and he just wanted me to hold him.  Most times it’s the opposite but today he wanted daddy. 

Yesterday he went on a train ride with big sis and grandma. 

Most of the time I struggle with him missing out on things because he’s baby #2 and well … just because of everything.  However, yesterday was her first time on a train too so for maybe the first time he actually got to do something ahead of her. 

A difficult decision

No matter what I do about my car situation I’ll save some money.  So now I just have to be decisive (an  issue for me) and make a choice.

Part of the problem is that Cari wanted a particular car.  I saw it yesterday.  It’s freakin’ sweat.  Bigger than I need (until I buy the boat I plan to buy).  Lots of room, dvd player, sweeet look … but kind of pricey.

No matter what I’m going to dump the camry.  I need the room so the option is either keep the pathfinder, buy a new pathfinder, or upgrade to the armada.  She really wanted the armada.  And that’s the one I saw yesterday.  Even though it’s pricey, buying that thing will pretty much cut my current car payment in half plus my insurance will be halved too.  There’s a nice rebate, good finance rate, and the pathfinder has some equity that I can use.

This morning I asked for E’s input.  She said that I could buy a car like GC’s for mommy.  Oh crap!  Last night one of the books she picked out was a children’s book I bought about death.  Last night I asked her if she knew anyone that died.  She said no.  Maybe I’m missing something here.  She obviously doesn’t get it yet.  Should she?  When she talked about buying a car for mommy this morning I knew she just doesn’t understand.  That just makes me really sad 🙁

The pathfinder, Cari’s car, had been parked at her moms the past few days because her sister borrowed it.  Her MIL said it was kind of nice having it parked there.  So does that mean I should just keep the pathfinder?   Should I just keep that one anyways????  Lower payments, decent space, sentimental value ….

Another Reminder

Started writing this last night …

After writing about that book I’m reading, one would think I would avoid that certain topic.  Then I go and throw in one of the movies I received from netflix today, Brothers.

Maybe 15 minutes in and her husband is killed in afghanistan, leaving her and two girls behind.  Shit!

It left me feeling sick to my stomach

I still watched the whole movie, however.  That didn’t make me feel any better.  Things in the movie turned out different, but still … it started out the wrong way

It also reminded me that so many other people deal with this crap every day. 

I read another blog today, a post from a month or so back, that talked about another girl with baby on the way who lost her husband.  The post talked about what to say to this girl if the blogger ever had contact with her.  One commenter said something like wait 6+ months and talk to her when the casseroles stop coming.  That all made me think … (and this was before watching the movie)

What would I say?  I really don’t think there’s anything good to say.  Maybe perhaps all that other person needs to know is that she’s not the only one going through that shit.  That someone else lost their best friend, their lover, the parent of their children.  That life just isn’t fair.  But also that everyone else does keep living and somehow they they find the strength & will to do it.

Today (the day after starting this post) was a long day.  Went shopping with the kids earlier.  Spent more than I should have on them but bought some needed things.  C almost fell asleep in the car so he had a tough time going down for a nap.  I also think he’s about to cut a few teeth at the same time. 

I was planning to go into the city tonight but that didn’t happen.  I wish I did though.  I needed some time out.  It probably would have been fun too but I just lost the motivation to get ready and go. 

Maybe I should try going to bed, but that red bull I had a few hours ago probably won’t let that happen.  Sounds like it’s about to storm again too.  We had tons of rain last night.  Enough to flood a couple neighboring towns, close down expressways, and left standing water in my yard.  The thunder was pretty insane too


It’s the book I’m currently reading by James Patterson

I shouldn’t be reading it

About 30 pages in and the main character Alex’s wife is killed in his arms.  I skipped the rest of that chapter

He has three kids, their 3rd very young at the time.  He’s raising them on his own with grandma’s help

Almost every chapter with him in it, he refers to his wife Maria.  He dreams about her.  He’s asked about it.  So many things remind him of her.  He goes to therapy (partly because of her)

In one of the most recent chapters someone refers to the ring he still wears (10+ years later).

I already struggle with all this stuff.  I should have put the book down right away.  If I only would have read the sub title on the cover of the book maybe I wouldn’t have even started the read.  Although, at least I’m ready … I guess.

Did Cari buy me this book?  Why did I wait all this time to read it?  What made me pick this book out of the stack of unread books?

So it was like 95 plus crazy humidity this afternoon.  I was pretty irritable.  Was it the heat?  Or hunger?  Or because I decided to read the book, while hungry, in this almost unbearable heat?

Anyways … kind of a rough day today.  My mind is everywhere.  Storms came through so it’s cooler and the humidity is less for the moment.  I’m pretty tired but I decided to by a mocha frap at 7:30 so I’ll probably be up for a while (or crash hard).

Update: So I just finished the book.  Ugh.  I’ll skip another one of those.  Turns out his wife was 30 … and so was Cari.


I was originally planning to write about c’s new words (or what sounds like words anyways), but then this happened.

For the first time in weeks it seemed like there was zero humidity when I got home with the kids so we played outside for a while.  It was one of those days that it would have been nice to have some friends by so I was txt’ing someone who probably would have come by if it weren’t that their kids were sick.  I hadn’t finished writing when c got upset.  He was playing with the lock to the gate (which he shouldn’t have been doing anyways) so I just figured he pinched something or hurt himself some other way.  But this wasn’t a normal cry.  It didn’t take long to figure out that something else was up.  He was definitely irritated by something.  I asked him where his boo boo was.  He always points to where the problem is whenever he hurts something.   He kept pointing at his ear, but then he pointed at his wrist too.  Both were a little red.  He got stung in both locations.  Twice!  Yikes!  I could totally see the spot on his wrist but other than the redness and some swelling on his ear I couldn’t see the bite. 

So then I went to check out the fence and sure enough there was a wasp flying around.  I went back again to check on it and found a newly created nest right there next to the lock on the gate.  Dang!  Thankfully I had some spray and took care of the issue.  It’s no wonder he was stung.

Poor little guy.  That had to hurt!  That cry of his was SO sad 🙁

GS wanted to see lil guy tonight after all the drama with the bees so we set up Skype.  Let’s just say we’re not going to do that with him again for a while.  He freaked.  Probably because grandma was inside the computer.  Which is probably a little freaky if you’re that young and don’t get it.  So we’re going to take a break from that for a while.

But back to his words.  Today he started saying Yes or yea or some other variation.  We were at Target on Sunday and he pointed at the big red cement balls outside the main doors and would say Baw Baw.