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March, 2010:

Remembering…May Flowers

A couple sips of redbull @ 8 tonight still has me going.  Or maybe it’s because I did something to my back and it just kills.  Oh man!!!  Right in my lower back.  “Cari, can you crack my back for me … or at least a massage ” 🙁  I can’t find the heating pad and it hurts too much to look for it.  The pain relievers aren’t helping either.

So, thought maybe I would do a Cari topic …

Hmmm… Okay, maybe I’ve written about this b4, maybe not, but I’m going to write about it again because I’ve thought about it numerous times.

I actually passed by this particular K-Mart last Saturday after a kids b-day party.  I looked over and noted how the front sidewalk was completely bare (at least from what I could see).

I suspect that will change within a month or so when they stock up on flowers and all sorts of other summer-type plants.  That’s how it was when we were there the weekend right before our lives changed forever.

Man it’s hard to let myself go to this point in time … it’s unfortunately one of the last I had (beside her face that Tuesday morning, wrapped in our blanket when I gave her a kiss goodbye … or that last Friday @ bowling where our lives just couldn’t have been any more perfect).  F#$%!

Okay …

I was searching through things, attempting to get my tax stuff finished, when I came across receipts from that weekend.  My life pretty much stopped at that point in time and things have been piling up since.  So to find a few receipts from around that period isn’t surprising.  I guess I just didn’t expect to run into these particular receipts. 

Evidently we hit up Menards & Home Depot (E called it something else today … some crazy name; I’ll have to see if I can remember).  But it’s K-Mart I remember this most. 

It’s not like it was this momentous occasion or anything at the time but now hopefully it’s stuck in my head forever. 

Amidst the rows of flowers we found a duck who seemed to have claimed home to a little section and laid some eggs.  E was just amazed by this and was so interested in seeing the duck.  Did we fill 2 carts with flowers?  I can’t remember but the one we had was filled top to bottom and I remember having so little room in the Pathfinder that Cari had to sit w/some in the front seat and there were more piled next to C … 2 carseats and a stroller didn’t leave much room to spare.

We spent most of the weekend planting everything we purchased … tons of flowers.  Unfortunately we never finished our work and after that next Tuesday none of it mattered all that much to me anymore.

I think examples like this hit on why I struggle so much w/everything today … that was our world, everything we wanted, everything we built … together.  Within a few hours it was ripped away from us.  All I want is to have everything back the way it was.

Soon it will be May again …

It’s 2:30a

That potential job, the one my boss relinquished, appears as though it may be out of reach … so they say, is because I am not currently capable of physically being in the office 40 hours/week.  So what they essentially want is to hire a senior executive and have that person work the help desk.  We can thank my ex-boss for that one.  It’s simply a poor expectation of such a high level position.  That job description is so far from what I want in my life or in my career but the title would have been nice.  They haven’t hired anyone else yet so at least I can say the position isn’t totally lost.  There are other ways to get what I want there but if I end up training someone who is just as experienced as me but gets paid a bunch more I am going to be pretty ticked.

It’s 2:30a.  It’s only me & my princess tonight.  She’s still feeling sick so instead of struggling with 2 I asked grandma to watch him.  She woke up coughing around 1.  There’s just so little I can do for her.  I was sleeping on her floor and even though I turned on the humidifier I left the door open so it wasn’t really doing anything for her.  Somehow I found some vicks rub and put that on her and then closed her door.  It sounds like the coughing has subsided for the moment.  …of course now that I say that :{

Moving from this house has always been an option (if the market will allow for it).  When part of my fence fell again the other day I wasn’t bothered by it but I am bothered by the fact that not a single neighbor offered any sort of assistance to get it back up.  They sucked before and they suck even more now … the neighbors that is.

It was 65 today and supposedly warmer the next few days, although I haven’t actually checked the weather and am just going by what I have been told.  It will be nice to finally open some windows.

The floor/office at work was FINALLY cleaned yesterday.  I’m certain that’s what has been getting me sick.  That is just so gross.  It looked like a layer of film was removed from the floor.

It’s nearly time to file my taxes and I just haven’t put a ton of effort into it.  Everything involved in that process just sucks.  It forces me to get into things that I would rather leave untouched.  It’s just one more thing to procrastinate about.

Sick Kids and Everything Else

I’ve decided that it’s my trips to the office that have made this March one of our sickest on record (not sure if that’s a fact but it sure seems like it).

My reasoning … I’ve been into the office a couple times each week.  At least one out of the two days I come home and am either coughing that night or the next day.   A day or two later both kids are coughing, runny noses, etc.  And then any family member in contact with them catches it too.  My boss, who has since been fired, was the first to get sick.  His damn disease is probably flourishing in our fortress of an office.  YUCK!

We’re on our 3rd round of it right now and the kids are MISERABLE!

That’s really gross if it’s something in the office that’s causing this but what else could it be … has to be.

To that jackass on 95th street tonight that for some reason needed to get past the vehicle next to me and then decided to try and get past me (all to get 2 cars ahead of us on the ramp to the expressway (behind like 8 others) but had the time to stop and flick us both off) … screw you too!  Seriously, WTF!

I’m having another meeting with some exec’s tomorrow morning … after what I anticipate this night will be like I’m sure I’ll be far from well rested.  Oh well.  It’s more the norm than not.

I always go back and think about all the people that said … if there’s anything u need, just let me know.  How about right now at 9:30 pm on Monday night when I have 2 sick kids that cannot be comforted … does your offer still stand???  who were u anyways … thanks for the offer

To whomever the person was that installed and/or repaired the fence before we purchased this house … thanks for doing a shit ass job.  It’s only blown down in different sections some 4 times over the course of the past 3 years.  Nice!  Oh and this latest time (friday) I didn’t realize it until the dog had wondered off to who-knows-where for who-knows-how-long (thankfully she came back).

Right at this very second (of course that will all change … why I even dare write it) both kids appear to be asleep.  E, however, the sicker of the two, laying right here next to me on my bed, although temporarily free from the hacking cough shows signs that she’s far from fine (and oh yea, little man is making some noises at this very moment – shit!)

what else …

I’ve been eating mac & cheese almost every dinner for the past 2 weeks (not literally just almost).  Did I even eat dinner tonight ??? nope.  Maybe that’s why I appear to look like I lost some weight – but I’m going to associate that to the removal of pop from my diet (something like 4 weeks straight only cheating a couple times) … it’s self-imposed.  I needed to remove some form of caffeine but I’m just substituting it with more starbucks instead.

Oh yea, one of my new tenants…  I was called a week or two ago to address some items.  None of them were major so I didn’t really focus on them.  But I took time out of my weekend to go down there and as I figured none of them were even worth the trip.  The hinge on a cabinet had come unsnapped and the shelf fell off a hook … those were among a list of things that I didn’t need to make the trip for …

Oh, and then there was our annual cub’s season ticket draft.  I split 4 seats between 3 other guys.  Every year we get together and divide em up.  It’s always the case that I work around Cari’s work schedule so we can go to as many as possible.  However this year I didn’t have to make those same decisions.  🙁  But that’s all I thought about.  I don’t want to go to these games w/out her.  It’s so far from the same.  Our life before kids was all about the north side of the city.  We had so much fun and living a 1/2 block from the stadium made cubs a big part of it.  And then the kiddies came and we moved to the burbs but the games were our way to get out or to be with the kids.  Man … Cari didn’t even get to go to a game w/baby-c.  Damn that sucks!!!

Time … I wish it would stand still.  The passing of it makes things no easier.  I just miss her that much more.  I need another dream soon.  I caught myself about to call E Cari tonight when I was about at my wits end when neither of the kids could be calmed.


The missing dog food bowl

Since Friday I’ve been without one of our two dog food bowls. 

At first I was just piling the dog food on the floor but that was drawing questionable expressions from a few people so today I replaced it with a small bowl from the kitchen.

At first I didn’t look very hard for it but as the days passed it became apparent that I needed to look a little harder.

I still haven’t found it.  So where did it go???

Did one of the kids walk off with it and leave it somewhere?  Did the dog push it somewhere?  Could C have really picked it up and dropped it in the trash?

The latter actually seems like it might be the most likely.  However, the dish is pretty heavy.  Up until a few minutes ago I thought no way he picked the thing up, opened up the trash can and dropped it in.  I mean, besides the weight of the bowl, the lid to the garbage is just above his head so he not only has to pick this thing up and drop it in but open up the lid too.

I was just making some dinner while C was playing with the replacement bowl and the one bowl that was left.  Before I knew it he picked up the replacement bowl, opened the garbage can and tried to drop it in.  I guess that’s where the other bowl went.

The other day I did notice that the garbage bag was heavier than usual.  I suppose I could go search through the garbage for it … but digging through a combination of dirty diapers and other items really isn’t top on my list of things to do.  Guess I need to make a trip to the pet store.


Hmmm, what day is it?  Damn … another month!

I cannot even tell u how many times I’ve thought about u today. 

It’s like 60 something out (going to rain/snow this weekend though … gotta love chicago).  About an hour ago I went on a run … straight down 8th ave to where the accident happened.  Other than luci slowing me down (for some reason she hasn’t been able to make it the 2 miles these past few days … it’s not that hot out yet) I won’t dare stop short of 47th.  In other times I might have gotten lazy and turned around early.  Now I’m there every time I run. 

St. Patrick’s day just passed, now only a couple weeks to Easter.  I just took down the decorations and brought up the ones for Easter.  Karen is having Easter at her house and invited us over.  We’re supposed to be doing this together.

Anyways … I go to lunch in downtown lagrange, a run to 47th, dealing with holiday decorations … that’s just within the past 3 hours.  On Wednesday I got a txt from someone mentioning the day I proposed.  It’s nice they remember but I could have went without the msg.  As if I didn’t already know what that day was. 

The recent time change is really screwing with the kids sleep patterns.  They want to stay up later but sleep in later too.  I don’t really mind the latter.  Although E was in our room this morning at 7.30 (way too early).  I didn’t get up, or look up, when she came in.  She found the remote, turned on sprout, and sat and watched tv for a good half hour.  Last night I fell asleep for a few mins on the couch while she watch her new fav movie Up.  But then I realized it was 10p and rushed to get her teeth brushed and into bed.  I get a little crabby when I’m awoken and just want to go back to bed.  I just wanted her to brush her teeth but she was more interested in playing.

Kind of reminds me of how I would pass out on the couch, you would try to get me up to bed, but I would insist on laying there until I woke in the morning and rushed up to our room (this was only after baby #2 came tho … we were just exhausted … now I find myself sleeping on e’s floor instead).  I would give anything for you to come wake me up and drag me up to bed.

It’s nearly impossible to keep c-baby inside.  He’s making a lot of noise, not too many legible sounds, but he definitely knows how to let you know what he wants.  Like when he wants to go outside.  He stands by the door and screams and screams until you let him out.  And E learned how to ride a bike, with training wheels.  It’s amazing how fast she picked it up.