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January, 2012:

He’s 3

He turned 3 on Sunday.  Happy Birthday!!!

He really wanted a motorized car; mainly because that’s what his sister wants, I think.  I was focused on getting that for him but was convinced the day before that he didn’t need it.  So I opted for something a little less and that turned out to be fine.  I thought before that we had too many toys, now we really don’t have any room.  And we still have the party with their friends this Saturday.  Hopefully most of those presents will be clothes or gift cards.  Maybe someday we’ll move and have more room for this stuff

It wasn’t an easy week leading up to his bday.  Both were sick for the 3rd time this winter.  This one the worst.  He threw up in the car wednesday night (GROSS) and she started with it the next night.  Fevers too.  There were bad dreams, chills, could hardly keep any food/drink down … it was no fun!  Fortunately they both felt relatively better sunday, just in time for his birthday party with the fam.


They like to play pretend games where she is the mommy or he is daddy but earlier in the week that playtime prompted the question of who really is his mommy.  He wasn’t sure.  He told me grandma is my mommy.  I guess that’s expected.  This one’s going to be tough.  Tough in a similar but different way from how it’s been with her.  Sigh….


I never used to be a light sleeper.  I shouldn’t be awake right now.  It drove Cari nuts that E would be crying away and I would sleep right through it.  Today she and I fell asleep on the couch.  Around 1a she got up from the other couch and came over to me.  I was awake as soon as her feet hit the floor.  I wish I could be a deep sleeper again.  Maybe some day.


I think I had a dream about Cari the other day.  I’m pretty convinced I did but sometimes those things, life in general, just blur together.

I think it was Friday night when the kids were at their sickest.  I’m sitting there in the doorway to our downstairs bathroom while E isn’t feeling well when I can’t help but wonder what this very moment would have been like if things were different.  I imagined that I would still be sitting there with her.  That Cari would be with him.  That while the kids being sick was far from fun that at least with the two of us it would be a little easier.  And now that I’m thinking more about this it’s likely that there would be at least another child in the mix … that’s crazy to think about … the what-if’s …


your birthday, christmas, and then the anniversary all within 3 weeks.  the holidays can’t go by fast enough

it should have been 6 years today, instead we only had 3 … and 3 without you

maybe that’s why i’m in a bad mood today.  although i really think it’s bcuz i’m super tired.  a late night monday.  an even longer night tuesday with a sick boy who had a fever, maybe a sore throat, and threw up on me (and it wasn’t just a little spit-up) … thank goodness i don’t have a weak stomach.  however, it’s 8:30p and both of them are asleep so i should probably do the same.

a few people e-mailed me today, that was nice (al, meg).  like usual i wish it didn’t have to be this way, but it was nice of them to remember

the other day someone was talking about doing a destination wedding so i talked to them about ours.  since ours was so amazing i think i have her sold on it, and i think i found your mom some business too!  it was pretty amazing though, wasn’t it???  i wouldn’t have done it any other way

crazy how things have changed so much since then, in just 6 short years.  what does that mean for the next 6?!?!?!?

well, today is just another day, right?  just another 4th of January.  i would rather be somewhere warm than here, that’s for sure.  or somewhere i wouldn’t have to worry about things for one whole day … i would take that too

i started reading a book, water for elephants.  they made it into a movie that came out this year but i wanted to read it first.  i wish the person that told me about the book, who i can’t remember, would have told me how the thing started out.  i probably would have skipped the book & movie too.  one line in the first chapter went like this, ‘being the survivor stinks’.  why am i reading a book that starts out like that?

anyways … just miss ya a ton

my fav pic

i love how we could make each other laugh, regardless of the situation

c is starting to talk more about mommy, or lack thereof.  another challenge!

tonight i brought e upstairs to get dressed.  she’s becoming pretty independent, doing a lot of things on her own.  i left her up there and she didn’t come back down for about 15 mins.  when she did she had side ponytails and a flower barrette in her hair

oh, and c asked me tonight if i had hot sauce, what for, for when i say a bad word, who gives you hot sauce, gs gives it to me when i say a bad word, do you like how it tastes, no it takes like mustard