Slow Down * Enjoy Life Rotating Header Image

September, 2014:

With One More Day

What would you do with or give for just one more day?

I don’t want to know when that day is.

I hope it’s forever from now.

He will say from time to time, Daddy I’m glad you didn’t die, Daddy I don’t want you to die.


I’m not going to, I say in response.

But we do talk about death.  Unfortunately.  And probably a whole lot more than I would if the situation were different.

I do try to do as much as I can with these kiddos.

I don’t go about thinking that today might be the last or treating each day like it could be.

It’s just today or tomorrow or the next.

Smile and Laugh!!!

And avoid sweating the small stuff.

We had fun this past weekend, doing more than I probably normally would – especially on my own.

Friday they had an early dinner.  I didn’t so I took them to red mango (yum!).  That was my dinner 😉

She asks if we can sit in the bar stools along the window so we do.

Across the street is the local movie theater so I check the schedule and there’s How to Train a Dragon 2 starting in under an hour.

So we stretch out our time @ red mango, head to the theater get popcorn (she loves popcorn), some waters and sour patch kids (I probably ate half of them)

Then on Sunday I took them to Disney on Ice last minute (after an adult night in the city – so tired).  Without tickets.  We just went and bought some there.

They both dressed up in costumes.  He was Buzz Light-year, she was Monster High – Fun!

It was a really good weekend.

We do have our ups and downs, however.

Like today, they both had play dates after school.

When her friend left and she wanted to go find some more people to play with (it’s almost 7pm btw), I said no.

She wasn’t too happy with me.  She was tired.  Over stimulated.  And definitely didn’t want to hear me say no.

But we got past it.  She smiled again.

It’s just parenting, just life …

So I don’t really think of it as having just one more day.

There are a lot of little things, significant things that matter.

But there are also a lot of little things that aren’t so significant and don’t really matter.

I try to instill this in them.

If they lose a plastic toy that has no sentimental value, we talk about how those things aren’t important.

We talk about how things we say and do impact other people.

We always talk about how our buckets are full or empty.  I like the concept.

She empties my bucket, I empty hers, she fills his and I fill hers …

We empty and fill our buckets all through the day.

It’s not fun when our buckets are empty and it’s hard work to keep them full but we try our hardest to keep refilling them.

Single parenting is tough.  Parenting on it’s own is tough, even when you have a team.

I meet moms all the time that struggle in ways similar to me.  We’re not all that different.  Parenting is just TOUGH.

Ask C’s friends mom whose son, when dropping off C tonight threw a HUGE fit.  HUGE!  That isn’t easy.  She apologized but that’s not even needed.

What do you do in those situations?  We’ve had our own, everyone does.

Anyways …

This past Saturday I went out.  Overall it was SO much fun.  The majority of the people who went out would agree.

However I think I put together a group that wasn’t totally meant to play well together.  I hope there’s no hard feelings … it’s not me but I think a couple of the couples butted heads – just different people, that’s all.  My mike & joe friends and my non-mike & joe friends were definitely different crowds but that’s what works for me.  And these couples are kind of the same.  Maybe I just shouldn’t have put them in the “same room” with a lot of alcohol … oops.  They don’t need to be friends though as long as they both stay friends with me 😉

I, Me … I just want people to laugh, enjoy life, have a great time, smile and be happy.

Unfortunately life doesn’t always play out that way.

But then I think of the small things…

I think of what if that was my last day…

Would I have been satisfied with what I’ve done to this point forward?

I don’t just want one more day.  I want many more days.

Give me my 80th birthday.  I’ll take that.

Can I have that?

I’m optimistically pessimistic!

Can I say that?

I don’t want to be pessimistic.

I want to see them graduate. Get married.  Have children, my grand children.  I want to see them grow and be happy.

Then I can go.  I’ll take 80+ too.  But at 80 I’ll have lived.  I’ll have experienced.  I’ll have enjoyed.

I don’t just want one more day.

I’m just trying to live each day.  Just live it.  Not like it’s the last or almost the last.

Just that it’s our life and you just never know so just smile and live and laugh a LOT!

Miss you …

A New School Year

I’m at drop-off and I met another dad the other day.

Please don’t ask me what my wife does.  Ugh!  Sometimes I just want to wear an “I’m Widowed” t-shirt.

And then as we introduce ourselves at my daughters curriculum night, one after one the wife or husband says Hi, I’m so-and-so, and this is my husband or wife-blah, blah, blah.  I really just wanted to say, Hi, I’m Matt and I’m a Widower.  I might let out a quiet, hmph.  The rest of the room would be “dead” silent.

But at least they’d know and wouldn’t ask “the” question.

So I keep talking to that guy and just hoping he doesn’t ask … he didn’t … phew

That day was an extra long drop-off because some bus driver lady (in an empty bus thankfully) decided to hit one car and then when moving again hit another other.  In doing so she blocked the bus my son was on and we had to wait an extra 20-some minutes before they could leave.

That dad and I kept talking for a while … one of these days i’m going to get better at remembering peoples names but I’m bad at it and I forgot his 5 seconds into the conversation.

There’s probably 60+ kids on this bus so there’s plenty more people to meet …

Then another night at a friends adult-only party (it’s nice to get out without the kids at times) I had a long conversation about Cari with one of the moms

She was super nice.  Not the in-the-face-full-of-questions type conversation some people seem to confront me with.

She didn’t know Cari but we talked a lot about her.  It was a nice conversation to have.  She applauded my efforts, like most people do, but man I’m just trying to do the right thing … and it’s not always easy.

Cari would have loved the party … it’s SO her … she would have been the party … fun, laughing, loud, joking … loving it !!!

The new year brings all this stuff up again.  New families, new kids … questions & answers.

You’d think I’d get numb to it but nope … just as hard 5+ years in.

I went on a jog after drop-off one morning.  Normally I leave it for the evenings but I was somewhat motivated.

While I’m running I’m wondering to myself what it would be like if I ever did remarry.  How I would respond to those questions.

Honestly, I don’t know how I would feel or if that would ever happen.

However, I”m optimistic that it will.  We’ll see 😉