October, 2010:

It seems like it came from every angle.

An invite to a friends annual christmas party.  I accepted this year after declining last year.  It’s already apparent that Christmas is going to be no easier, maybe even more difficult than last year.  Padded in the front by her b-day and in the back by our anniversary it’s a very difficult few weeks.  Simply accepting the invite was a challenge.  I’ve thought about going back and declining but I really just need to go and get through it.  It’s just one more thing…right??? Ugh!

Cari’s sister gets married in less than a month.  Lil man will be dressed in a mini-tux (SUPER CUTE) and princess will be in an adorable flower girl dress.  I know this event will be tough.  I can only imagine the emotions her sister has and will continue to experience.   I’ve tried not to think too much about it.  My brothers wedding was tough but I guarantee this one will present it’s own challenges.

We’ve been sick this past week.  I don’t know when it started but hopefully it’s coming to an end especially since we have a month full of weddings on the horizon.  I barely got off the couch Wednesday and definitely didn’t get any work done.  Thursday was a little better but both nights, and even Tuesday night, I hardly slept.  I had a fever as well as a sore throat that made me cringe when I swallowed.  She seemed to have something similar too and is still fighting it today.  I think he avoided most of it but he’s been coughing a bit.

Then the one that really drained me.  I recently agreed to open up my private life to a complete stranger for a short period of time.  It started out with a random request, then turned into a number of meetings and e-mails, and culminated yesterday with an emotion-filled conversation over lunch.  I left thoroughly exhausted.  I was drained.  The final outcome is yet to be determined … but I’ll eventually post something about that

It was supposed to thunderstorm off and on all day today yet there was barely a cloud in the sky outside of short period of time early this morning.

And despite a busy weekend and a late night last night, which, btw, makes caring for 2 lil ones on my own a challenge, we went out into the yard while lil guy was sleeping and raked up the leaves.

When he woke up we went out for some pictures.  Some are really cute.  I even took some video

Last year I posted this – Fall 2009

This morning I let her paint a little before she left with Grandma.  Just before she finished painting the flower picture for mommy he saw what she was doing and of course wanted to do it too.

Unfortunately he and painting usually equate to a mess but he was dressed and ready to go so I told him that tonight when our friend came over that he would be able to paint.

Evidently he has a really good memory and totally understands what I’m saying (even though he’s still not saying a ton) because as soon as our friend came over he ran straight for the easel and was ready to paint

They’re pretty cute and talented too

This is an ongoing post that I’ve been adding to for a while.  Figured I would post it now and continue to add to it.

Momma & Dadda have been there for a while.  He calls grandma Mom & Momma.  When he wants out of his crib he screams one or a combination of the above.

Then came Ball & Lala (lolo).  We were at Target and he saw the big red balls outside and keeps saying Baaaaall

And now there’s a bunch (1 or two every day) … Ti Ti, Nukie, Bobby (sort of)

The other day (8/28) we think he said Maddie

He’s been saying Yesssss and Juice for a while now

New words include Pillow, Down, Up (10/1)

This week (10/5) he hummed the whole twinkle twinkle little star song.  Instead of words … Ya Ya Ya Ya Ya Ya Yaaa (and so on).  Close enough 😉

He’s using Grandma instead of mama & mom a little more.

His new word is “No”.  Oh great! (10/20)

I’ve been having some conversations that have forced me to revisit a lot of things that I, for numerous reasons, avoid thinking about.

One of the most difficult, as I found out yesterday, were those voice mails left on Cari’s phone by a couple people the day everything happened.  I could barely speak about them.  So sad 🙁

These coversations have mainly been about our lives ever since.  But then I think, how could I possibly paint a picture of the past 17 months in a few hours?  I can’t.

I write on this blog, but the blog only captures a fraction of our lives.  The posts are sporatic.  The stories normally out of context.  But I’ve put a lot of time into this thing.  So I suppose it does tell part of a story … or a whole lot of mini-stories.

17 months …

So much has changed … in the blink of an eye.  Today is 3 years since Papa passed away.  3 years … ugh!

The decision to leave my job was a complicated one.  However, a small part of it did have to do with how fast things were happening and how important it is for me to be involved in it.   Not sure how the $ situation is going to work out but at least I’m able to be around for the kids now.

Beyond all that, though, there’s one thing that really hasn’t been discussed.  All that talk makes me think about this thing.  And it’s really something that does deserve focus.  It’s not just about us figuring things out, getting through the day, LIVING… it’s about that unreplaceable thing that was stolen from the lives of our children. It’s the experiences, the love, the relationships the days, hours, minutes, seconds that can never be given back, can never be replaced. 

We were at the zoo tonight and at one point a women at a craft station was talking to the kids and said “maybe your mommy can help you out with this.”  A month or so ago a lady at the Disney Store said something similar to the kids.  Why would someone ever expect children so young to be in such an unfortunate situation?  Why can’t we just avoid the topic?  It blindsides us.  It comes out of nowhere.  What are we going to do?  Maybe we can wear a sign.