Slow Down * Enjoy Life

I don’t know … breakfast just seemed to mean something special

We didn’t always have the time / energy to make something up after the kids came.  And definitely once we had 2 going out to breakfast wasn’t high on our list.  But living in the city, especially on weekends, we would hit up any number of breakfast or brunch places (Mitchells’ on Clybourn, Heavan on Seven, Kitschn’ On Roscoe, Hillary’s Urban Eatery … the list is long). 

Bacon on the George Foreman grill was by far our favorite.  Maybe more mine at first but who doesn’t like bacon???!!!

It’s probably bad to admit be her and I together would on occasion polish off a whole package of thin-sliced oscar meyer bacon.  But it had to be thin, it had to be oscar meyer and it had to be cooked on the george foreman grill.  Just something about it made it oh-so-good

I haven’t made any since, even though some times I do crave it.  Just one of those things I would rather go without (like popcorn on the stove … )

So what I wanted to say …

Ever since I have had more time at home I do try to make a meal out of breakfast for the kids whenever possible.  I’m not a huge fan of consistency when it comes to meals.  Cereal every morning is a bore.  I don’t even get the same coffee at starbucks all the time (probably because I drink it so much I’m going to puke if I drink much more).  So I try to mix it up.

Over the past two days the breakfasts I’ve made, in my opinion, have simply been amazing (maybe amazing is a bit much, but pretty damn good).  I don’t know what it is but I’ve kind of amazed myself.  While at the same time TOTALLY missing Cari and so wanting her to be there too…so that instead of writing crap here I would simply be enjoying it with her.

I make these healthy choice pancakes (although they might not be so healthy after I add an extra egg and use whole milk instead of skim)

She was a “cook” in training.  She was easily discouraged when something didn’t come out just right.  But pancakes were her deal.  Of all the things I would cook, I was worst at making pancakes so she took over the job.

I’ve definitely gotten better though.  But this past Wednesday, when I think for the 1st time made blueberry pancakes (just because I happened to have some blueberries in the fridge), they turned out to be so delicious.  I think some of the tastiness has to do with the whole milk but this time the blueberries really added to the flavor.  Go me (well E too because she helped)!! 

And then today.  Same sort of thing.  I’m not a huge egg fan but I’ve been making scrambled eggs 1-2 times a week because c-baby will eat them too.

Again I don’t know what it is … but it may be that whole milk thing again.  Or that plus a couple slices of (can’t-think-of-the-brand) sliced cheese.  Whatever it is, once again I amazed myself.  Oh man it was so good. 

But … it still just isn’t the same 🙁

First off … I just absolutely @#$% hate that this happened to us.  There’s just so much we should be doing together right now, too much to mention, too much to think about … it just SUCKS!  🙁

Filing taxes, btw, is no fun at all.  I have to dig into a bunch of information that I would have rather left untouched.  I didn’t even bother trying to find anything that listed clothes we might have donated prior to May (something she kept track of).  If it’s somewhere I’ll run across it eventually but I would rather skip the deduction.

Anyways, I just needed to bitch about this … she was the person who would have listened to me complain (although I certainly would have been complaining about something other than this particular topic)

Just missin u … E misses u.  She asks almost daily for you to come home.  She watches video of you.  It just isn’t fair

He eats everything, she just won’t.

Yesterday went to J&B’s for lunch.  They asked me what they would eat.  The answer for him is easy, for her I just never know.  He polished off a hot dog before the rest of us were finished with ours. 

Yesterday morning I made her a full plate of options, she didn’t eat any of it.

Today the results were similar.

We had pizza last night so this morning she asked for it again.  I finally caved.  She ate the whole piece (and now wants more)

Pasta/Cheesy, Pizza, Chicky … and a range of random snacks & fruit.  OJ & Apple juice too but hardly any dairy products … milk drinking ended with the removal of the bottle.  (I supposed there’s dairy in pizza so maybe it’s not all that bad)

So I guess it’s pizza for breakfast until I figure out something else.

I suppose it’s time to write a post…

Wednesday night seemed normal until she laid down and complained that her ear really hurt.  Okay, that’s not good.  But it’s 9pm.  Some tylenol?  Well that didn’t help.  Google said a warm rag against the ear.  That might have helped get a few hours sleep.  Either that or she was just too exhausted to stay awake any more.

At least she told me it hurt, right?  Before it was … they can’t talk so how am I supposed to know what’s going on.  Now she actually told me.  However, I think she only finally told me when it was pretty bad.  According to the doctor, a severe double ear infection.  Yikes!!!  I guess a week or so ago when she tugged at them a little plus the congestion that’s been in her for about that same amount of time should have been sure signs.

Ear infections plus throwing up that night and again in the car on the way home from the doctor … not a fun day.  And this medicine they gave isn’t really flavored so she’s not a big fan.  Can’t they just throw some bubble gum flavor in there?  I didn’t taste it but the pharmacist told me today it should have an orange flavor.  We’ll see, I guess I’m going to have to try it tonight.

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A neighbor, a girl & her dad, stopped by the saturday before Easter with a basket for the kids.  She’s not an immediate neighbor, someone I never met before all this, but they have stopped by a number of times with gifts for the kids.  Very thoughtful!  Thank you!!!

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It doesn’t look like I’m going to get that position at my company.  Although I suppose I don’t really care that much.  Another day, another time and I would have been all over it.  Since they company doesn’t know what it wants OR needs, I don’t want to be the one (right now) to make everything better.

I have an idea about how this could all work in my benefit though, so we’ll see.

However, if they refer to my situation, the flexibility they supposedly give me, my loss, my kids, or anything else of that nature … I already have my resignation letter ready.  I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY HAVE THE NERVE TO REFER TO THAT SITUATION IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM!!!

Actually, maybe I should just take some FMLA time.  I’ve been seriously considering it.

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I have some much on my list to do.  I don’t think I’ve cleared anything off it.  Maybe one of these days I’ll focus in on what needs to be done.

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And I had another dream recently?  Actually that Wednesday night when E hardly slept. 

I don’t know how it happens; can’t predict it and can’t seem to force it to happen, but I’m glad when it does.  Maybe it was the broken sleep that caused it.

For a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a second it seems like things are normal … but then I wake up and it’s my reality again.

A couple sips of redbull @ 8 tonight still has me going.  Or maybe it’s because I did something to my back and it just kills.  Oh man!!!  Right in my lower back.  “Cari, can you crack my back for me … or at least a massage ” 🙁  I can’t find the heating pad and it hurts too much to look for it.  The pain relievers aren’t helping either.

So, thought maybe I would do a Cari topic …

Hmmm… Okay, maybe I’ve written about this b4, maybe not, but I’m going to write about it again because I’ve thought about it numerous times.

I actually passed by this particular K-Mart last Saturday after a kids b-day party.  I looked over and noted how the front sidewalk was completely bare (at least from what I could see).

I suspect that will change within a month or so when they stock up on flowers and all sorts of other summer-type plants.  That’s how it was when we were there the weekend right before our lives changed forever.

Man it’s hard to let myself go to this point in time … it’s unfortunately one of the last I had (beside her face that Tuesday morning, wrapped in our blanket when I gave her a kiss goodbye … or that last Friday @ bowling where our lives just couldn’t have been any more perfect).  F#$%!

Okay …

I was searching through things, attempting to get my tax stuff finished, when I came across receipts from that weekend.  My life pretty much stopped at that point in time and things have been piling up since.  So to find a few receipts from around that period isn’t surprising.  I guess I just didn’t expect to run into these particular receipts. 

Evidently we hit up Menards & Home Depot (E called it something else today … some crazy name; I’ll have to see if I can remember).  But it’s K-Mart I remember this most. 

It’s not like it was this momentous occasion or anything at the time but now hopefully it’s stuck in my head forever. 

Amidst the rows of flowers we found a duck who seemed to have claimed home to a little section and laid some eggs.  E was just amazed by this and was so interested in seeing the duck.  Did we fill 2 carts with flowers?  I can’t remember but the one we had was filled top to bottom and I remember having so little room in the Pathfinder that Cari had to sit w/some in the front seat and there were more piled next to C … 2 carseats and a stroller didn’t leave much room to spare.

We spent most of the weekend planting everything we purchased … tons of flowers.  Unfortunately we never finished our work and after that next Tuesday none of it mattered all that much to me anymore.

I think examples like this hit on why I struggle so much w/everything today … that was our world, everything we wanted, everything we built … together.  Within a few hours it was ripped away from us.  All I want is to have everything back the way it was.

Soon it will be May again …