…remembering a loving wife and mother – we lost someone truly special, she will never be forgotten
Tomorrow cannot come and go fast enough.
As we loaded E into the car at grandma’s, Titi asked her what she was supposed to sing to Daddy in the morning. E began to sing. And then the tears came.
If it was only possible to just skip the day.
When we split up our cubs tickets, I specifically picked this day so “we” would be able to go. Every set of tickets I picked was so that “we” would be able to go together. More specifically, they were days when Cari didn’t have to work at the restaurant. I think we only went to 2 together this year. So tomorrow night I get to watch the struggling cubs without her on a day I wish would end before it started.
I’m just not looking forward to another reminder of what I’m forced to live without.
I really cannot believe she’s not with us to experience this. It makes me so sad.
On Sunday we took a walk to the park (and of course past the accident site too). C got to ride on the swing for the first time (E pushed him, she insisted). And then E insisted she do one more thing, take a ride down the slide with him. He can sit up without support but he can’t pull himself up yet so I was standing close beside all of this. These turned out to be some pretty damn cute pictures.
I had a dream, or maybe multiple dreams, last night. She was there. It was hard to tell if I was just a dream about her or if she was actually there. But the more I think about it she was. Those dreams are few and far between. I’d be fine sleeping for days if that’s all I could think about. Sometimes, like last night, they feel so real.
And then this morning, some questions finally came out. Where’s mommy?
…
I gave her the same answers. We looked at some pictures. Am I doing this right? What does she need to hear? This is probably the hardest thing I’m going to have to deal with.