…remembering a loving wife and mother – we lost someone truly special, she will never be forgotten
The daunting task.
It’s been 3+ months and I haven’t done any (well maybe just a few). Today I got through some 100+. My mouth has that taste from licking the back of the envelopes…too many envelops. It’s fantastic!
She was really good at keeping on top of thank you cards, cards for events, or cards just because. She was really good. Me? … not so good. But now it’s catch up time.
Too bad digital camera’s are relatively new. I was already a crazy picture taker in college and that was when we had to deal with the disposable ones. Ever since our first digital camera from our trip to St. Thomas, we’ve been going picture crazy. My 2 1/2 year old is just as good a picture taker as me. I can’t believe how good she is with the camera. Of course it’s only a matter of time until something happens to the camera so I need to make sure I constantly download the pictures.
Anyways, so with the digital camera came plenty of pictures. Until a couple years ago I just stored the pictures on my computer. Then came picasaweb. I’m a big fan. Easy to use and FREE. Of course there’s always that concern about uploading pictures to some companies servers, but whatcha going to do. I’m also writing about my life online so what else is there to hide. So yesterday, while I’m busy working of course, I start uploading more pictures to picasaweb. These are the pictures from before we started storing a backup online. Before I knew it, 124 albums had been created. This is 124 different events that we took pictures at in the course of just a few years. And I’m not even done yet. And I certainly haven’t been able to go through all the pictures because with 124 albums comes at least 30 pictures per album. That’s a lot of pictures!
I had a dream, or maybe multiple dreams, last night. She was there. It was hard to tell if I was just a dream about her or if she was actually there. But the more I think about it she was. Those dreams are few and far between. I’d be fine sleeping for days if that’s all I could think about. Sometimes, like last night, they feel so real.
And then this morning, some questions finally came out. Where’s mommy?
…
I gave her the same answers. We looked at some pictures. Am I doing this right? What does she need to hear? This is probably the hardest thing I’m going to have to deal with.
Now that I say that I’m sure things will change…they almost always do. But they’re both asleep and the temp is comfortable and … well, I’m missing her a lot.
I hit a brick wall at about 8:30 but for some reason an hour+ later I’m wide awake. Last night I kept falling asleep while E was still awake. She finally went to bed about an hour and a half later than usual. She doesn’t like to go to bed on time lately. I’ve had to invoke a little trickery. Last night I told her I was going to get another bottle, tonight C was crying…she’s super smart so this won’t last but it’s working for now.
Caffeine has become my friend, but I don’t drink a ton. I just need a quick pick me up. I’m trying to get out and get some exercise. I’m hoping it will help. But nothing gets me going as quick as a little caffeine.
Today I biked for another 12-15 miles. I’m not quite sure how far it was exactly. It was for sure at least 12 but I haven’t mapped it out. Biking is tough because it gives me time to think; primarily about her. That’s about all I thought about for the hour or so I rode. And doing stuff by myself isn’t high on my list but waiting around for someone to do it with me also isn’t high up there. So I do it. I need a bike rack though. It’s not easy to try and get that thing in and out of the back of the car each time.
I miss u!
It has an amazing view. The food and drinks were great…especially the desert cart. And the people were fun and comforting at the same time.
It was only the preseason so only the 1st couple of quarters mattered. But they were promising to say the least. Now again, it’s just the preseason but it was our 1st team against theirs. Their defense couldn’t stop us and our defense stopped them. The season couldn’t start soon enough. JA promised me the super bowl so we’ll see!
It was cool to be in the suites to watch the game. But the stands are really where the action is. If the whole suite was filled with my friends, now that would be a different story. But the stands are just insane. You’ve got fans from both side of the ball so there’s always some rivalry out there too. But the noise and the people out there make such a big difference. It probably helps when it’s the regular season too.
That said, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to handle games this season. I’m seriously contemplating skipping them all. There’s way too many memories. And this is way to fresh. And I don’t want to be there with anyone but her. As hard as it will be to skip the games and watch ’em from home, it will be a million times harder to be there without her trying to enjoy myself…that’s simply impossible.