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Cari

Remembering … a meal we liked to cook

Sitting next to the stove, the stove which I’ve rarely used as of late, is a gigantic bottle of vodka I bought for my brother’s wedding (which nobody drank, btw…wtf).  And as I’m cooking some plain penne noodles for E, I remember …

Penne alla Vodka from the Soprano’s Family Cookbook.  A totally random cookbook purchase but a very tasty meal.  This and a Rigatoni w/Broccoli dish were made at least once a month.

This meal is made with garlic, prosciutto (which Cari often skipped mainly because I don’t think she knew what it was), a can of italian peeled tomatoes, crushed red pepper, heavy cream, vodka and a pound of penne.  I probably could have recited that from memory but I went and got the cookbook anyways.

I cooked it first.  That’s usually how it went.  I was the cook @ the beginning.  She kept to the basics.  She cooked it for the first time when we lived up by wrigley.  I remember her either not having the cream or not enough so I ran over to Jewel as quick as I possibly could.  She was kind of sensitive when it came to cooking so it was a close call.  She didn’t want to mess up.  But ever since then we make it numerous times.

She was getting really good when it came to preparing meals though.  It was tough for me to work and come home and cook since my commute was like 1.5 hours ea way.  I think I’m crazy to deal with the commute especially since, in my opinion, I’m underpaid and very much underutilized.  But given the state of the economy I can’t complain…because it’s certainly better than nothing.  Although if I had the income I wouldn’t mind ditching the job for a while…a long while.  Anyways, back to cooking.  I really tried my hardest to get her to enjoy it.  It’s pretty easy to do once you have directions in front of you and a little confidence.  I always tried to get her to understand that it never mattered if ended up tasting like crap b’cuz we could always order pizza.  I certainly have cooked a bunch of sub-par dishes but it never bothered me.  I would just throw it out and cook something else.  She, on the other hand, didn’t want to disappoint so it was a challenge.  But we were getting there.  We would have gotten there.   And we should have been given the chance to get there.

Now I’m preparing meals for just me and the kids.  I really can’t believe she’s no longer here.

Remembering … that last night @ bowling

It was just our 2nd season of bowling.  It was our adult time.  Our friday out.  Something to do away from the kids for a few hours.  It was always a good time.  And we weren’t all that bad either. 

Living in the city, bowling was close to the bottom of our list of things to do.  But with kids, living in the burbs, bowling quickly moved on up (really anything that could give us a break was something we would consider).

That last night @ bowling.  The Friday before.  It was only our 2nd or 3rd week this season with a whole summer full of Friday nights at the alley to come.   Yeah, maybe a little dorky and certainly not our crowd, but it was our Friday and our time together.

It was obvious, and anyone there would have agreed, how very much in love we were.  Regardless of all the other crap going on, we were madly in love.  We were flirting up a storm.  9 years in and things were great.  We were exhausted though.  2 kids.  Multiple jobs just to try and make ends meet.  But we did whatever we could to put all that in the back of our minds.   We were probably going to wait a year or two for baby number 3 (even though we weren’t preventing per se), because 2 is tough, but we lived life as much as we could and were looking forward to the next 50+ years together.

Little did we know that everything would come to screaching halt just 4 days later.  If we only could have known.

Legal Docs

It’s one of those things that Cari & I never got to.  Why did we need to, right?  I guess, you have each other and you assume that nothing will happen, why would it…but then it does.

We didn’t put anything in place to define our wishes, so after many different opinions about what to do and who to talk to and a wide range of prices, I went with someone a friend recently used.  It seemed to be everything I needed and wasn’t close to some of the most pricey quotes. 

I had to answer a few difficult ‘who’ questions like who would care for the kids.  It wasn’t easy.  I believe I made the best decision.  Let’s just hope it never becomes an issue.  But as I have so unfortunately learned, even when things are perfect, nothing is guaranteed.  I hope, and I’m sure they have, that our friends now know that too.  That as unlikely it is, bull shit happens, and it’s better to be prepared (somewhat anyways). 

I wonder what the difference is between the price and service I received and the price and service some of these other lawyers offered.  It all sounded the same.  In the end I have some legal docs that specify my wishes.  These are the same forms that can be found on legal zoom, so what else comes with the higher prices?  Nothing, probably…maybe a nicer office.

31

Prior to 15 weeks ago life was great.  Tuesday I turned the big three-one.  Somewhere along the way I either read, or was told, or maybe I just figured that holiday’s would be tough.  I was hoping Tuesday would be pain free, but it was far from that.  Reminders of what I no longer have were everywhere.

@ 30 she threw a big surprise party for me.  I went golfing in the morning and came home to find most of our friends and family at the house.  She definitely went out of her way to make sure it was a great day.  And it was. 

I never could have imagined I would be dealing with all this @ 31.

My mom spent the day at the house.  She brought a cake and balloons and presents from the kids.  It was very thoughtful. 

And the next day at her families house they had some things for me as well.  I read one card and wasn’t able to get through it so I stopped.  Unfortunately I still have some more to go and am not really looking forward to reading them.  Then they sent me home with some cake and some of these pretzel and hershey kiss or rolo treats.  Those things are really good.  Just a small circle or square pretzel with a melted rolo or kiss on top.   I def don’t need snacks in the house…especially ones that taste really good.

I miss u so much!

And then there were more questions

Where’s ‘my’ mommy?

We were reading the book, baby bear, baby bear what do you see?  The last animal in the book is mommy bear.  E skipped right from baby to mommy and asked where her mommy is 🙁  I asked, where’s baby bear’s mommy?  She said no, where’s my mommy.