Cari

I actually started this on the 21st and must not have published it …

A couple hours ago I took E to the store and then to pick up some dinner.  C stayed at home with grandma.  We just had to pick up a few things; milk, pizza, popsicles, bread, cereal.  While we walked down the freezer aisle E fell a few yards behind.  All of a sudden she came running up and grabbed my hand.  It was a simple gesture but seemed like something that never happened before … not like this anyways.  I’ve held her hand of course but not like this.  We held hands, for the most part, throughout the remainder of our time in the store.  For some reason there was just something special about what had happened here.  It is difficult to explain.  It was just a really good feeling.

It’s been raining pretty much non-stop for the past few days.  Between Thurs & Fri I don’t think it stopped at all.  I raked up some leaves before the rain and brought the kids outside for a few quick pix.  It was very impromptu and the wind was picking up so we only had a few mins to get them in.  I didn’t even have a chance to really get them dressed in anything special so I’m def going to have to find another opportunity to take some more. 

After all that rain our yard was covered again with a bed of bright yellow leaves.  I was really hoping to get those into a pile for some more but a neighbor graciously mowed them up before I had a chance.  I guess I cannot really complain because it was one less thing I had to worry about (raking up those leaves), but I was really set on taking some more pictures.

A pic of E & Mommy from 2008 after a Bears game …

And from 2007 when Daddy placed lil E into a big pile of leaves …

I’ve been slacking on posts but now as I sit here, in the office, I just can’t bring myself to write much more.  I don’t come into the office all that often.  They don’t have shit for me to do so why sit in the car for an hour plus (both ways) just to do the same thing I could do at home?  They pay me so I guess i have to stay, but it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  3+ years of pretty much doing nothing, just to get some perks, got old a long time ago.  But the job market out there sucks.  Too many people looking for work and looking to get paid whatever they can get.  I don’t have the time or energy to do 40+ hours a week while dealing with all the politics of corporate life so I guess I’m stuck.  Maybe I can find some investments to hold me over.  But then what do I do about insurance???

That’s enough ranting 4 now I think.  Maybe I can find something to keep me busy for a least a couple hours.  8 hours goes by really slow when there’s nothing to do.

Who are these people.  Or perhaps more specifically, who is this person?  It’s probably just one family member doing this, but I can’t be certain.  It’s most likely the same person who created the current issues I have with the family.  Obviously nothing has been done to fix/address anything.  Obviously she still has issues.  Obviously she is very immature.  I’m going to focus on her because it’s hard to believe any of the others would stoop to her level. 

So why am I writing this?  Last night (or more accurately, this morning at 2:45am) my phone buzzes with a notification that a text message was received…then another, and another, and another.  I can’t stand text messages, btw, that attempt to include emotion or are more than simple yes/no questions.   I can’t stand communication methods, like text messaging, where pe0ple can hide behind their phone (or their computer).   The texts were from a non-family member but the boyfriend (and now possible ex) of this particular in-law.  

The jist … stay away from that !@#$ family … you have no idea what they plan for you … you have no idea what they plan for your kids. WTF is he messaging me for and especially at 2:45?  Good freaking thing I didn’t read them until this morning because I never would have been able to go back to bed.

Now, I realize, especially if he is definitely an ex, that there are probably a lot of issues there.  I also assume that these messages at 2:45am mean alcohol was involved but I’m not sure on who’s part.  Furthermore, the particular family member referred to here doesn’t work and lives at home and is in her mid-20’s. 

Outside all that, she appears to be good with the kids.  But I’m absolutely concerned about her stability and then her ability to be around my children.  Do I pull them away completely?  This is not the first time I have had to consider this issue.

I went from an okay day to feeling extremely overwhelmed.  I think I need a beer … and as soon as E goes to bed that’s the plan.

It was probably a combination of factors which led to my current state; lunch with a friend that resulted in some deep conversations I probably should have avoided, a ride to the ‘site’ to place some flowers that have been sitting in the kitchen for more than a week, work (or lack thereof), concerns about the economy, that condo i should have never gotten involved with, a need for exercise, the tenant who keeps complaining about an unpainted ceiling, a possible new cold/sickness … is that it???

Nope, there’s something else.  Something that is probably the main cause for all this.  I spent a good deal of time today looking for a video.  I was asked about it a month or so ago but just brushed off the request.  But when I was asked about it again today I decided to give it some good effort.  Unfortunately that effort resulted in a whole lot of unwanted emotions.  I went through a lot of stuff I would have rather left untouched.  I even found what looks like a diary from her time in Europe right after graduation.  Did I know something like that existed? 

She was usually the one who organized.  Which is extremely evident when I have to search for something that shouldn’t be all that difficult to find.  I’m not sure why I was the one that got labeled a pack rat.  She kept a lot of stuff around too.  There’s always those little somewhat-meaningful things that you don’t want to toss.  Every time you run across it you take a look at it and decide you just can’t part with it.  But then it gets hidden in some pile for another few years until you uncover it again.  I found a whole lot of that today.  I can’t even imagine what moving one day will be like.

That conversation I had a lunch probably didn’t help matters much.  It was all good intentions but man it was way to much for me at this point in time.  I need simple short conversations that don’t add additional burden to my already complicated situation.

I think I need a break.  I think I’m doing too much.  I need my best friend back