Slow Down * Enjoy Life

She would have LOVED it.  She talked about it all the times weeks before everything changed.  She was so excited about the prospect of going out on Lake Michigan throughout the entire summer. 

A week or so ago we took the kiddies with us on the boat for a couple hours.   Ellie was so excited about being out there although when titi jumped in she got pretty sad and wanted her back in the boat.  We bought life jackets for both the kiddies too.  Carson looks like a little turtle in his, but he’s still super cute.

This past weekend Mike took us out for the day.  We had a number of friends with us too and everyone had a fantastic time.  Too bad we don’t have a boat 10x the size so we can bring everyone out at the same time.  We took a ride down the calumet river to the riverdale marina.  And what a beautiful day.  I constantly thought about her.  How she would and should have been there right with me, right next to me, right with us hanging out, enjoying the day, laughing, tanning, joking … about MJ, Hauntie getting a little crazy, Erik passing out sitting up at the front of the boat, everyone jumping in the water near the marina, getting the boat stuck in the muck for a few seconds, spinning around in the locks because of the current, or the questionable service at the marina.

She really would have just absolutely loved being out there.  We will love it for her.

There are not very many times in life when you can truly be surprised.  We decided for both our children that we wouldn’t find out if it was a boy or a girl.  When we found out we were expecting our first, it we me who wanted to know if we were going to have a boy or a girl but Cari was adamant about not finding out.  It’s wasn’t easy at all for Cari to keep any type of secret so this was certainly difficult for her.  About half way through each of us switched our opinion; now she wanted to know.

Do you really need to find out?  Sure, it might be nice to get the room painted a particular color and to buy the right color clothes and items for the bedroom, but does it really matter?  You don’t need all that stuff right away anyways.  Odds are the baby will sleep in your room for at least a couple months.  And the family and friends will shower you with clothes.  It’s hard to keep that secret.  It really is.  It’s so easy just to ask the doctor to tell you.  But I really think it says something about those who keep the secret…it takes a lot of strength to keep a secret like this for 9 months.

We did the same for our 2nd and it was equally as difficult but completely worth the wait.  It took a lot of will power but as we sat there in the delivery room filled with emotions, we found ourselves extremely anxious for the answer.  Of all the experiences we had together, I will remember these forever.

During lunch today at the Corner Bakery, I sat and stared at Carson while he slept in his infant carrier.  It’s so extremely sad to see him, so young, so innocent, to have no understanding of what is going on right now, and to realize that he may never really understand how much, how absolutely much, his mommy adored and loved him.  I’m of course going to tell him all the time about her, about her love, about the time she did have with him…