Slow Down * Enjoy Life

He turned 3 on Sunday.  Happy Birthday!!!

He really wanted a motorized car; mainly because that’s what his sister wants, I think.  I was focused on getting that for him but was convinced the day before that he didn’t need it.  So I opted for something a little less and that turned out to be fine.  I thought before that we had too many toys, now we really don’t have any room.  And we still have the party with their friends this Saturday.  Hopefully most of those presents will be clothes or gift cards.  Maybe someday we’ll move and have more room for this stuff

It wasn’t an easy week leading up to his bday.  Both were sick for the 3rd time this winter.  This one the worst.  He threw up in the car wednesday night (GROSS) and she started with it the next night.  Fevers too.  There were bad dreams, chills, could hardly keep any food/drink down … it was no fun!  Fortunately they both felt relatively better sunday, just in time for his birthday party with the fam.

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They like to play pretend games where she is the mommy or he is daddy but earlier in the week that playtime prompted the question of who really is his mommy.  He wasn’t sure.  He told me grandma is my mommy.  I guess that’s expected.  This one’s going to be tough.  Tough in a similar but different way from how it’s been with her.  Sigh….

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I never used to be a light sleeper.  I shouldn’t be awake right now.  It drove Cari nuts that E would be crying away and I would sleep right through it.  Today she and I fell asleep on the couch.  Around 1a she got up from the other couch and came over to me.  I was awake as soon as her feet hit the floor.  I wish I could be a deep sleeper again.  Maybe some day.

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I think I had a dream about Cari the other day.  I’m pretty convinced I did but sometimes those things, life in general, just blur together.

I think it was Friday night when the kids were at their sickest.  I’m sitting there in the doorway to our downstairs bathroom while E isn’t feeling well when I can’t help but wonder what this very moment would have been like if things were different.  I imagined that I would still be sitting there with her.  That Cari would be with him.  That while the kids being sick was far from fun that at least with the two of us it would be a little easier.  And now that I’m thinking more about this it’s likely that there would be at least another child in the mix … that’s crazy to think about … the what-if’s …

your birthday, christmas, and then the anniversary all within 3 weeks.  the holidays can’t go by fast enough

it should have been 6 years today, instead we only had 3 … and 3 without you

maybe that’s why i’m in a bad mood today.  although i really think it’s bcuz i’m super tired.  a late night monday.  an even longer night tuesday with a sick boy who had a fever, maybe a sore throat, and threw up on me (and it wasn’t just a little spit-up) … thank goodness i don’t have a weak stomach.  however, it’s 8:30p and both of them are asleep so i should probably do the same.

a few people e-mailed me today, that was nice (al, meg).  like usual i wish it didn’t have to be this way, but it was nice of them to remember

the other day someone was talking about doing a destination wedding so i talked to them about ours.  since ours was so amazing i think i have her sold on it, and i think i found your mom some business too!  it was pretty amazing though, wasn’t it???  i wouldn’t have done it any other way

crazy how things have changed so much since then, in just 6 short years.  what does that mean for the next 6?!?!?!?

well, today is just another day, right?  just another 4th of January.  i would rather be somewhere warm than here, that’s for sure.  or somewhere i wouldn’t have to worry about things for one whole day … i would take that too

i started reading a book, water for elephants.  they made it into a movie that came out this year but i wanted to read it first.  i wish the person that told me about the book, who i can’t remember, would have told me how the thing started out.  i probably would have skipped the book & movie too.  one line in the first chapter went like this, ‘being the survivor stinks’.  why am i reading a book that starts out like that?

anyways … just miss ya a ton

my fav pic

i love how we could make each other laugh, regardless of the situation

c is starting to talk more about mommy, or lack thereof.  another challenge!

tonight i brought e upstairs to get dressed.  she’s becoming pretty independent, doing a lot of things on her own.  i left her up there and she didn’t come back down for about 15 mins.  when she did she had side ponytails and a flower barrette in her hair

oh, and c asked me tonight if i had hot sauce, what for, for when i say a bad word, who gives you hot sauce, gs gives it to me when i say a bad word, do you like how it tastes, no it takes like mustard

A few less tears but they’re just hovering under the surface

The week leading up to xmas didn’t start out too hot.  A runny nose the weekend before turned into a persistent cough into some sort of stomach bug into more coughing then the second gets hit with the same bug all culminating with a double ear infection for one and a single ear infection with the other.  They’ve got meds now but he doesn’t like them at all … today is day four of meds … it didn’t work out so well this morning but hopefully we’ll have better luck tonight … E said to give him a spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down (and then sang the whole song) …

Kids were so much fun this year.  I did most of the shopping (@ costco) in October but after that I pretty much did nothing until the Friday before Christmas.  People at the stores that friday totally suck … mean, angry, impatient … like the person who uses the self-checkout lane at Jewel, has no idea what they’re doing, and freaks out … ugh!

The kids were spoiled, however … barbie dolls, an american girl doll, and a scooter; a youth basketball hoop (so cool), toddler golf clubs, hockey sticks (i’m so excited to do all that w/c) … and more

They were really excited about santa this year.  E however wouldn’t let me put out Elf on a Shelf.  I did it last year and I don’t think she liked how it moved around.  We were at a friends house who already had the Elf out and she was firm about not putting it out at our house.

Xmas eve we went to my fam.  Their cousin is getting big and they’re expecting another.   The kids are cute with her just wish they didn’t live an hour+ away … maybe should have worked more to convince them when they were buying that they should be closer.

Every time C opened a present he said, “that’s what I always wanted.”  He has the cutest voice.  I got video and pictures too … like 75 from the couple days which is probably below norm for me.  Still got some cute ones though.

The night b4 christmas at our house GC went up to bed with E and C was really upset that she went up there.  I tried to console him but he wasn’t having it.  So I let him leave the family room and he went to find her.  I don’t think he made it all the way though.  About five minutes later he came back and he couldn’t stop talking about how he wanted all the chocolate chip cookies.  For about the next 20 minutes or so I worked as hard as I could to convince them they were for Santa.  He wouldn’t give in.  Eventually GC and I got him to the point where he could have half of one but only if we gave another half to Grandpa.  In the middle of the conversation he told me how those cookies are his favorite (if only I could capture his voice here); his eyes lit up so bright … he is so darn cute.

Christmas day was really nice too.  She got up at 7:45 (after sleeping in her bed with GC).  She came into my room and asked if she could peek downstairs.  We woke him up about a half hour later.  It was a fun couple hours.  Then we went to your fam’s for more presents and a late lunch.  Everyone seemed to have such a nice time!

She was hoping for snow on christmas day, like she expected it, like it was a given.  But no snow.  It was like 45 degrees out.  And 45 today too, which was nice enough to ride the new scooter.

So now I really need to move, there’s no space for all this stuff any more.  I’ve actually looked at a number of houses.  You would LOVE them.  Most are older but the ones with large front porches or third floor play rooms … omg.  We’ll see how that one turns out in ’12.

Oh, and Mag did christmas pictures of the kids.  She told me she was going to but I didn’t actually know they did them.  They came out super cute.

I was able to nap today while he slept and she played … that doesn’t happen often

Wish you were here for this stuff

… in not exactly the order asked, but pretty close

Daddy, when did Jesus die?  … a long long time ago

When did Mommy die? …May 19, 2009

Did Jesus die when Mommy died? …no

…i was a little worried about the lack of challenge at preschool, but i’m glad she’s getting some introduction to religion there…one of the primary reasons i switched to this school

I know Mommy died because she was hit by a car, but how did it happen?

…someone wasn’t paying attention when they were driving, they were careless, reckless

What does reckless mean? …how to explain this to a 4yr old…@#$%

What was the person’s name who hit Mommy?

…for at least a minute i couldn’t remember her last name…ugh!  that thing should be unforgettable.

What does the lady look like?

…i don’t know, i’ve never seen her, in fact i’ve never even heard from her

What happened to her?

…she was arrested and ticketed?

Did she go to jail?

…NO!

Ugh!  Why are WE faced with these questions?

It’s a little hard to see but E had on the turkey at school that she’s thankful for ‘my family’

The teacher had nothing but good stuff to say about our little princess.  The best quote was that she could be in kindergarden today and she would be totally fine.

Prior to tonight each child was asked what their favorite thing in class was and the teachers wrote them down and asked the p’s what they thought their child said.  Hmmm…

Dress up…story time…some sort of art…????  E’s answer, binoculars.  I would never of guessed that one.  I guess she wears them around all the time.

She makes me so proud!