C woke up an hour or so ago with one of those cries that indicated he wasn’t going back down. So it was time for me to get up and fix a bottle. He’s back down, but I’m not.
I think his waking interrupted one of THOSE dreams. One about her. And one that has become somewhat of a common occurrence.
I’m not sure if THIS dream is helping or hurting me. It appears that the only way my brain knows how to understand my pain is to translate it into a breakup. Tonight’s dream was much like the dozen or so I have recently experienced.
I’m not sure why I have been remembering so many dreams lately. It seems that those I remember are the ones that involve her. Maybe because of the subject matter. Maybe because I wish the real dream was the one I live every day. The one I really want to wake up from.
Another breakup and this one seemed to be initiated by her. One where she broke up with me or something along those lines for some godforsaken reason.
The dreams are a bit intense. The emotions are difficult to describe. It’s as if we are truly going through a breakup. Each time the reason differs. Each time I have this dreamnightmare the outcome is the same. The dreams I had in the beginning weren’t usually of this same subject matter. I didn’t mind those dreams. I actually looked forward to them. Unfortunately most of the recent ones have been less than desirable.
I looked in the mirror last night around the time I was getting the kids ready for bed. I looked back at myself and once again asked the question … why?.
Can’t we just go back and change all this?