For some reason it was hard for me to answer this question, really hard. Maybe it was the fact that a stranger was asking me this. It’s not something someone who knew her would ever ask so I was a bit unprepared.
It felt like it took me a good 10 minutes to say anything at all … she was funny, outspoken, loved being a mom, wanted a big family, loved life, loved being around friends and family … that’s about as far as I got with that question before I just couldn’t go any further.
Eventually I was asked, what’s the hardest thing for me right now.
Talking about her 4 sure. It’s easy to avoid. It’s certainly not easy to avoid thinking about her because I think about her constantly. However, it’s easy to walk away from a discussion about her even though it’s something I know I need to do.
Even though it’s usually easier to write about this stuff, at this very moment I’m struggling to find the words. I’m EXHAUSTED…going non-stop. It’s one thing to have to deal with the loss but a completely other issue to have a couple kiddies that demand a lot of your energy as well as a job that you need to focus on so that the income continues to come in … how I desire time off so that I can get back on my feet. Any chance I can win the lottery soon?