Hmmm. How do I title this post? I’ve had a long day and my creative juices are spent.
It’s been a long day. Like 4 days wrapped into one. My kids are not with me right now. They’re at grandma’s. I miss them. I’m lying in our bed for the first time right now. A friend of mine took my normal spot on the couch tonight. The few other times I’ve been in this bed in the past 4 months was because I was caring a lil one at some random point throughout the night when I was too over tired to care. I golfed 8 holes in the pouring rain earlier in the day. I attended a reunion dinner for a group of older members from my fraternity (there were a few of us younger guys but the majority were well into there 60’s & 70’s … a little awkward). I stopped by my wife’s cousins house on the way home and had a can of coke way too late so now I probably won’t be able to fall asleep. My day started at 7am and 19 hours later I’m attempting to reflect. Phew!
I guess the main reason for even turning on the computer tonight (this morning) was to write about a conversation I had with a family friend somewhere around midnight. Before she left we gave each other a few hugs too … I needed that.
She and I have spoke a half dozen times in recent months. We never really spoke before I lost Cari; maybe a few times but not like this. She has a couple young ones and her husband is dealing with some pretty serious health issues. So even while they’re going through crappy times themselves, she was able to offer me words of encouragement tonight. I felt like I needed to say some of those same things to her.
First I asked how he was doing and she gave me a little update. Then she listened. I don’t like dumping my grief onto someone else, especially someone going through struggles of their own. But she listened and didn’t say no. She felt that what I have been accomplishing as a male, in particular, with two little ones is something exceptionally remarkable. I’m not so sure I agree. I just think I’m doing as best I can and all that I can do for my kids. And I never think I’m doing enough.
Well, with all that said I passed out and never finished writing this … so I’m going to wrap it up now … there’s more to come – it was a b.u.s.y weekend.